i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
