i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
