am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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