Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
