I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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