So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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