did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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