that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
