Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
