drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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