Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Less talking, more tequila
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize