I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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