sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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