stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
