Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I know her cup size but not her name....
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize