Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
