I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
