Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
whose ass print is on the piano?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
