Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
