Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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