The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
