last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize