if i can run in heels then i can drive
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
