No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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