dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
