remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
