I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
