True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize