Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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