i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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