I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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