I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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