3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
