I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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