Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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