party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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