Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There's always time for handjobs
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize