Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
