I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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