If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
