How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
