just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
