Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
