I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
