some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
