i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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