there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
