How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
