I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
