Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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