we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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