So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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