i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
