I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
