YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
