from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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