Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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