Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
