i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
