K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
no, he came in my armpit
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize