This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
