you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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