I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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