Your dad touched me again.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
