Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
