you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize
