Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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