i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
ttyl tear gas
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
