i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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