I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize