I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
NoShamevember. You game?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
