Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
