so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
