so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
