I didn't shave. On purpose
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
