I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
