My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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