It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
