I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
