At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize