Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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