Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
