you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
