if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
