My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
