i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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