When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize